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kylaraingressJust a little bit of fluff to make up for the angsty piece I am finishing up on right now. See? I can write funny stuff sometimes.
Do NOT ask me how I came up with this. I'm not quite sure myself. Read it on AO3 as well.
Title: 20 Questions: The Case of the Embarrassing Evidence
Author: Kylara Ingress
Fandom: Sherlock
Pairing: John/Sherlock
Rating: ooh, PG, leaning on PG-13
Summary: John asks about a certain piece of evidence that Sherlock has.
Spoilers: none
Note: Dedicated to JD Rush, as her 20 Questions style is all over this sucker. Also, there's some issue with the legitimacy of the Oscar Wilde quote. Consider it legit for this little piece of fluff, as it's not vital to what little story there is here. Not Brit-picked, unless you count the countless hours I spend watching British media from Downton Abbey to The IT Crowd to Death at a Funeral.
20 Questions: The Case of the Embarrassing Evidence
Kylara Ingress
"Sherlock, what is that?"
"Surely you've seen a dildo before."
"How in the hell would you ... you know what, never mind. I really don't want to know how you came to that deduction. Dare I ask why there is a dildo - a fairly large one, I might add - in our sitting room?"
"It's for a case."
"Of course it is. What case would that be then?"
"The one from Tuesday that you've tentatively called 'The Gay Divorcee'. Really, John, your love of puns will be the death of you one day."
"Even Oscar Wilde praised puns."
"I believe he called them the lowest form of humour."
"And considering he used them all the time, what would you that lead you to deduce?"
"Good point."
{beat}
"So?"
"So what?"
"You going to tell me why that is for a case that I thought is about a woman who thinks her wife is cheating on her?"
"She's not cheating."
"If that's what they've been using in the bedroom, I should hope not. Makes me feel a bit inadequate."
"A bit?"
"It is rather ... large. So, not cheating. I was wondering why you were willing to take on such a simple case. What is going on, then?"
"Smuggling."
"Excuse me - did you say smuggling?"
"I do believe we need to get your hearing checked, John. You seem to be asking me to repeat myself quite a bit lately."
"Ha, ha. Do I want to know how you deduced it was about smuggling?"
"As you clearly noticed, and seem to be having problems with, this dildo is exceptionally large. Add to that the evidence that the spouse had more than one in her possession, I looked into it and found that they had flash drives in where the batteries normally go. The rest was just decrypting the files, which I'm currently doing, to find out what specifically is being smuggled."
"Jesus, Sherlock - did you spend all day looking at the sex toys of a client?"
"It's for the case. Really, John. For someone who earned the nickname 'Three Continents Watson', you seem to be having quite the issue with this."
"That's because I'm a man and not normally the one having something shoved up my arse, thank you very much."
"Normally? That implies you have had something, as you so quaintly put it, shoved up your arse."
"Fuck. Can we pretend I didn't say that and we just move on to talking about the rest of the case?"
"You know me well enough to know the answer to that, John. How, for someone who keeps insisting that he is not gay, have you had the opportunity to have something like that occur?"
"Christ, I cannot believe I am having this conversation with you. But I know you well enough to know it's easier just to tell you right away."
{beat, and wiping of brow}
"Okay. Best to just get this all out at once. Just because I'm straight doesn't mean I don't like a little anal play, Sherlock. And I may have fibbed a bit with all those comments about being straight. If I had to truly identify myself, I would probably call myself bi-curious. I mean hell, I was in the army. Giving a fellow soldier a handjob or even the occasional blowjob was par for the course on a long, cold night. Occasionally, it got a little more heated than that."
"And you've kept this information from me because why?"
"I haven't kept it. You never asked. After that whole, 'I'm married to my work' thing, I knew you wouldn't be interested in that kind of comfort, so I resolved I'd just keep that aspect to myself. After all, as you have shown time and again, I can't hide much from you. Figured you already knew, actually."
"Hmmm." {sidles up to John's side} "And if I were to say I was open to the occasional night of 'comfort', as you called it, from my blogger?"
{long, hard snog, leaving the two breathless for a full minute after}
"Bed, now."
"As you see, I have no problem with my hearing."
"Yes, I see. Um ... I suddenly am realizing why you may not have felt inadequate about the dildo's size."
"Don't worry, John. I am quite happy to bottom for you, should that be what you want for this time."
"This time. I like the sound of that."
{beat, with another sloppy, energetic kiss that raises the heat in the room ten full degrees}
"Sherlock, can we bring the dildo?"
"You're the one that was intimidated by it, John. I leave it in your hands."
"We're not going to get an ounce of sleep tonight, are we?"
"Not if I have anything to say about it, no."
"Thank God for cases."
Fini - 3/11/13
Do NOT ask me how I came up with this. I'm not quite sure myself. Read it on AO3 as well.
Title: 20 Questions: The Case of the Embarrassing Evidence
Author: Kylara Ingress
Fandom: Sherlock
Pairing: John/Sherlock
Rating: ooh, PG, leaning on PG-13
Summary: John asks about a certain piece of evidence that Sherlock has.
Spoilers: none
Note: Dedicated to JD Rush, as her 20 Questions style is all over this sucker. Also, there's some issue with the legitimacy of the Oscar Wilde quote. Consider it legit for this little piece of fluff, as it's not vital to what little story there is here. Not Brit-picked, unless you count the countless hours I spend watching British media from Downton Abbey to The IT Crowd to Death at a Funeral.
20 Questions: The Case of the Embarrassing Evidence
Kylara Ingress
"Sherlock, what is that?"
"Surely you've seen a dildo before."
"How in the hell would you ... you know what, never mind. I really don't want to know how you came to that deduction. Dare I ask why there is a dildo - a fairly large one, I might add - in our sitting room?"
"It's for a case."
"Of course it is. What case would that be then?"
"The one from Tuesday that you've tentatively called 'The Gay Divorcee'. Really, John, your love of puns will be the death of you one day."
"Even Oscar Wilde praised puns."
"I believe he called them the lowest form of humour."
"And considering he used them all the time, what would you that lead you to deduce?"
"Good point."
{beat}
"So?"
"So what?"
"You going to tell me why that is for a case that I thought is about a woman who thinks her wife is cheating on her?"
"She's not cheating."
"If that's what they've been using in the bedroom, I should hope not. Makes me feel a bit inadequate."
"A bit?"
"It is rather ... large. So, not cheating. I was wondering why you were willing to take on such a simple case. What is going on, then?"
"Smuggling."
"Excuse me - did you say smuggling?"
"I do believe we need to get your hearing checked, John. You seem to be asking me to repeat myself quite a bit lately."
"Ha, ha. Do I want to know how you deduced it was about smuggling?"
"As you clearly noticed, and seem to be having problems with, this dildo is exceptionally large. Add to that the evidence that the spouse had more than one in her possession, I looked into it and found that they had flash drives in where the batteries normally go. The rest was just decrypting the files, which I'm currently doing, to find out what specifically is being smuggled."
"Jesus, Sherlock - did you spend all day looking at the sex toys of a client?"
"It's for the case. Really, John. For someone who earned the nickname 'Three Continents Watson', you seem to be having quite the issue with this."
"That's because I'm a man and not normally the one having something shoved up my arse, thank you very much."
"Normally? That implies you have had something, as you so quaintly put it, shoved up your arse."
"Fuck. Can we pretend I didn't say that and we just move on to talking about the rest of the case?"
"You know me well enough to know the answer to that, John. How, for someone who keeps insisting that he is not gay, have you had the opportunity to have something like that occur?"
"Christ, I cannot believe I am having this conversation with you. But I know you well enough to know it's easier just to tell you right away."
{beat, and wiping of brow}
"Okay. Best to just get this all out at once. Just because I'm straight doesn't mean I don't like a little anal play, Sherlock. And I may have fibbed a bit with all those comments about being straight. If I had to truly identify myself, I would probably call myself bi-curious. I mean hell, I was in the army. Giving a fellow soldier a handjob or even the occasional blowjob was par for the course on a long, cold night. Occasionally, it got a little more heated than that."
"And you've kept this information from me because why?"
"I haven't kept it. You never asked. After that whole, 'I'm married to my work' thing, I knew you wouldn't be interested in that kind of comfort, so I resolved I'd just keep that aspect to myself. After all, as you have shown time and again, I can't hide much from you. Figured you already knew, actually."
"Hmmm." {sidles up to John's side} "And if I were to say I was open to the occasional night of 'comfort', as you called it, from my blogger?"
{long, hard snog, leaving the two breathless for a full minute after}
"Bed, now."
"As you see, I have no problem with my hearing."
"Yes, I see. Um ... I suddenly am realizing why you may not have felt inadequate about the dildo's size."
"Don't worry, John. I am quite happy to bottom for you, should that be what you want for this time."
"This time. I like the sound of that."
{beat, with another sloppy, energetic kiss that raises the heat in the room ten full degrees}
"Sherlock, can we bring the dildo?"
"You're the one that was intimidated by it, John. I leave it in your hands."
"We're not going to get an ounce of sleep tonight, are we?"
"Not if I have anything to say about it, no."
"Thank God for cases."
Fini - 3/11/13
